The joys of research

Me: You screamed ‘douche-bag’ at me, then started typing in the middle of my research proposal!

Him: I was only trying to be helpful.

 

Wednesday night Beatnik Poetry

Lt: Every time
I clean my brush
I think of you
Saying ‘Twizzle’

S: It’s gotta be spontaneous
Lt:The poetry doesn’t flow – like a fountain

Lt: Wow
When you wash the silver
off your paintbrush
It makes the water
Look all pretty

Lt: So BLACK first
then white
then BLACK again

Lt: This one’s now SUPER-ZERO!
It’s more zero
Than zero

Lt:I messed up his eyes in wicked ways
S: Yeah?
Lt: Yeah
S: Well that’s a skill
…
S: oh.
You want me to look and agree with you

In further news, S thinks he’s more quotable than he really is, Lt. isn’t convinced of the overall worth of this “poetry”, and I? Well, I’m just doing what I’m told. Really. I’m wonderfully obliging in that way. And S just superglued himself to something. Lets just hope it was something lyrical, fit for a poem.

 

Snoozy conversation III

S: (pulling me close, planting a kiss on my forehead, with great tenderness) Hey baby*, come here, come here, don’t worry, it’s okay.

Cpt: (Going with the vibe, because let’s face it, it’s not wise to rock the boat when you’d rather be sleeping, and in fact you were until thirty seconds ago) Okay, good.

S: (with even greater tenderness) Don’t worry, there’s nothing of yours left in the roof. I got it all.

Cpt: (confused, and feeling as if gratitude is somehow in order) Oh. Good.

Silence

Cpt: (awake enough to be overwhelmed with curiosity) So ummm… what was in the roof, that you already got out?

S: SSsssSSSnNNNnnnnooooooooooZZe

This morning, S had no recollection of anything in any roof ever. What the holy hell would I keep in the roof? My porn stash? A child I secretly had, and was conducting experiments on? Hmmm…experiments.

*Let me refresh your memory on my feelings about ‘baby’. Why not just call me ‘generic girlfriend who I can’t remember the name of’? Hmm? Also, I’m a grown-up well-rounded human being. See any apple puree here? Didn’t think so.

 

Done and done

Twelve posts in twelve hours.* Don’t let anyone tell you I’m not capable, unless it’s me, and I’m having a bad day, in which case believe me, but understand that any incapability is of the short-time-only variety, and I’ll be back to normal in the morning.
I leave you tonight with a snippet of conversation that I had with S only minutes ago.**

S: Where is the thing that I don’t know where it is that’s right in front of me?

Cpt: It’s there

S: oh

* Yep, that’s right – and one for luck
**Includes only minimal exaggeration

 

Cap’n can cook

I can. I really can. I can cook yummy meals. So, when trying to think of a meal I can cook for my Dad, what do I do? I ask S.

Cpt: What do I cook that’s yum?

S: Lots of things

Cpt: But what can I cook for my Dad? What should I make?

S: Ummm … you make that good sandwich thing.*

Cpt: Yeah, but that’s a sandwich. What else?

S: umm…

Cpt: Come on, what have I made you that you really liked?

S: Ummm … you could make, like, a roast, or a stew, it’s much easier to make a stew than you think, all you have to do is (insert stew-making instructions here)

Cpt: Yeah, but you make roasts and stews. What do I make?

Silence

Cpt: I must have made something you can remember. What can you remember that I make that you like? Anything? Why can’t you think of anything?

S: Can I think for a bit?

Haven’t made my Dad dinner yet.

*I do, actually. It’s a warm triple-decker sandwich with pancetta and capsicum and mushroom and spinach, fried up with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. If I hadn’t just eaten too much curry I’d want one now.

 

Here baby, there mama, everywhere daddy daddy

Those would be lyrics from ‘Hair’. I have a thing with hair. Hair is YUCKY. It’s just been hanging there on your head for years. Even if it’s clean, it’s dead. Yucky. Dead.

Cpt.: So what do you guys think about my hatred of hair?

S: I think it’s fine. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion.

Lt: And it really is understandable, considering it’s dead cells.

I have an understanding support network. Ohh yeeaah.

 

lady of the waves has something to say

Lady: If you send chimpanzees to space they become super intelligent
(Lt: you see what this pressure has done to us?? we have to type complete shit now you here…. this is the fault of the captain who is capable alright, capable of putting immense pressure on her poor crew mates- i think lady should type and i will format… i am a good formatter)
Lady: ok, formatt this…
(Lt: well firstly i will spell check it, formatt… change to format?? y/n)
Lady: lets ask the chimpanzees? this is sending me bananas…
(Lt: i think we should blog again when we have something exciting to report about…)
Lady: like when Avery fell over and broke the egg and it was rotten! (Lt: rotten rotten rotten rotten) not soppy like dressing a pig in a bonnet and pushing him around in a pram ew soppy :(
(LT: YEah we should blog again when something like the rotten egg thing happens, yeah like when something cool like that occurs, yeah yeah. I think we are done for now).
Lady: At least we tried.

 

Snoozy Conversation

Scuppers and I, in bed…(you may read on, it’s not dirty)

S: Snooze

Cpt: Snooooze

S: ‘Vvvhooom…(Cpt. stops snoozing, is confused)…Did I just make a noise?’

Cpt: ‘um…yes’

S: ‘What was it?’

Cpt: ‘It was like … hhhoooum’

S: ‘No, I wasn’t sleeping*, I was thinking about the itp snail, when it goes fast, you know? It goes vvvhooom.’

Cpt: ‘And you couldn’t stop yourself making the sound effect? Hee hee hee: vvhooom’

S: ‘Yeah’

Cpt: ‘Hee hee ha ha ha: vvhooom’

S: ‘It’s not that funny**’

Silence, then:

Cpt: ‘Hee hee: vvhooom’

More silence

S: ‘So what, I said voom’

Cpt: ‘No, it had so much more passion, you really put the energy in, like: vvvhhoooom. You were really trying hard.’

S: ‘Shut up’

Snooze

Snoooze

Cpt: (snigger) ‘Vvhooom’

*He was so sleeping. I don’t know why he denies it. Isn’t it that much more bizarre to be awake and make sound effects than to do it unintentionally when you’re sleeping? Oh, he was sleeping all right.

**It really was that funny